Go Nuts!

Intimidated by the number of versions of the famed ballet hitting Boston this winter? Take this quiz!

Urban Nutcracker by Raven Wolfe Photography

It’s Nutcracker season! Ladies, we know what you’re thinking: There are so many, how do I choose? And men, we get it: do we have to go … AGAIN?

Good news! There are plenty of shows to go around, so if you want to try something different our quiz will guide you in the right direction this holiday season. Our favorite? We wouldn’t miss any of them!

1. I’ve seen “The Nutcracker”…
A.    Never
B.    Only a handful of times
C.    What’s “The Nutcracker”?
D.    Enough times to want to change it up

2. My plan for a night out is to…
A.    Get dressed up, go big and go home
B.    Impress my date with something cultural and romantic
C.    Have a fun night out with the whole family without breaking the bank
D.    Hoot and holler and have a rip-roaring time with friends

The Polichinelles in José Mateo’s Nutcracker

3. When I think of “The Nutcracker” I think of…
A.    Tchaikovsky’s score
B.    The Sugar Plum Fairy
C.    Children
D.    Ugly Christmas sweaters

4.  When it comes to Tchiakovsky’s score I want to hear …
A.    A big, live orchestra
B.    Pre-recorded music is OK with me
C.    A jazzy version
D.    Buzz buzz

Boston Ballet’s Nutcracker by Gene Schiavone

5. I want to see…
A.    The biggest Christmas tree ever
B.    Men in tights … up close and personal
C.    Ballet with a little tap, jazz and hip-hop too
D.    Boobs
6. When it snows I want…
A.    White-out conditions
B.    Only want a light dusting
C.    To be outside on the Public Garden
D.    To be protected from the elements

7. All I want for Christmas is …
A.    A prince to sweep me off my feet
B.    A Nutcracker
C.    A loved one home from the military
D.    Batteries for my dildo

The Slutcracker

8. When I go to sleep I dream about …
A.    Dancing bears
B.    Mice
C.    Hula hoops
D.    50 Shades of Grey

9. I would love to travel to…
A.    Russia
B.    China
C.    My favorite spots in Boston
D.    The Museum of Sex

10. Santa, I’ve been:
A.    Perfect
B.    Nice
C.    Happy
D.    Naughty

If you scored:

Mostly As
Boston Ballet presents Mikko Nissinen’s “The Nutcracker”
Tradition! You have BB’s Christmas ballet permanently marked in your calendar for you to enjoy from age 2-102.
November 28-December 31
The Opera House
539 Washington St., Boston
$35-$220, 617-695-6950
www.bostonballet.org

Mostly Bs
José Mateo Ballet Theatre presents “The Nutcracker”
You want to have a quiet dinner date night, enjoy the ballet and continue your night over a cup of hot cocoa in Harvard Square.
November 28-December 21
Various venues: The Sanctuary Theatre (Harvard Square, Cambridge),
The Strand Theatre (Dorchester) and Duxbury Performing Arts Center
$15-$50, 617-354-7467  
www.ballettheatre.org

Mostly Cs
Tony Williams’ Urban Nutcracker
You know a little bit about ballet, but you want to spice it up, and bring it into Boston’s 21st century.
December 12-28
John Hancock Hall
180 Berkeley Street, Boston
$25-85, (888) 596-1027
www.urbannutcracker.com

Mostly Ds
Vanessa White’s “The Slutcracker — A Burlesque”
Want shock and awe? This show is definitely a conversation starter. Even your conservative buddies will be jealous that you got to be a little naughty for a night.
December 5-31
Somerville Theater
55 Davis Square, Somerville
$27, 617-625-4088
www.theslutcracker.com

The Slutcracker — a burlesque

Madonna blasts from the PA system in the Somerville Theatre and as the lights go down, host Mehran Khaghani announces that the Sunday night performance we’re attending of “The Slutcracker — a burlesque” happens to be the 75^th performance. This crowd, he says, “isn’t afraid of Monday morning.” No, they certainly are not — they are hooting and hollering and watching plenty of tits and ass in Vanessa White’s freakishly fun spin on the classic “Nutcracker.”

If you’ve never been, you’re in for some fun — watch a grown Clara (Fanny Fawndew) explore her sexuality, before she commits to her wedding engagement.

The ugly-sweater brigade returns, led by Fritz (Paolo Mania) and the pink sequined Slutcracker Prince (Oliver Tryst) has his batteries (Kid Vicious and Joy Ryden), Slutcracker Bunny (Femme Brulée) and Drosselmeyer (UnAmerika’s Sweetheart Karin Webb) supporting him from behind (pun intended). Act I ends with an orgasmic bang. You’ll be offended and embarrassed, but secretly, or not so secretly, you’ll love it!

Act II includes all kinds of sexual fun, like bonded Russian dominatrix (Ginger Slap, Dinah DeVille, Peaches Dupree), Sindy Katrotic and the Dance of the Reed Pole, the always entertaining Polichinelle, Wet Spot Fairy (DeVille) and the Sugar Dish Fairy (White herself). The Gimp (Willy Dumey) plays a bigger comedic role this season as he clears the stage of bras and panties left after each divertissment.

If you’re looking for professional technical ballet, head back across the river to the Opera House. But, if you’re feeling frisky, relocate the office party after-party to the Somerville Theatre for a slutastic time. (And pick up some exclusive “Slutcracker” pasties for the grab bag at your next naughty Christmas party!)

Note: This is not a kids’ show. So, if you absolutely cannot find a babysitter just make sure your baby is young enough not to remember and be scarred for life. The production of the show isn’t all that different from 2012, but its the crowd that really makes for a great night. So leave your manners at the door and let your inner sexy Santa loose.

“The Slutcracker — a burlesque”

Through December 31

Somerville Theater

55 Davis Square, Somerville

$25, 617-625-4088

www.theslutcracker.com

Slutcracker 2012

Clara and the Slutcracker Prince watch the Sugar Dish Fairy (founder/director Vanessa White)

“OMG,” tweeted Vanessa White, aka Sugar Dish, on Saturday, “It’s a White Slutmas!” Indeed. Her production of “The Slutcracker — a Burlesque” has returned to the Somerville Theater for a fifth season, and finally, it feels like the holiday season can properly begin.

In this sexual satire of “The Nutcracker,” Clara receives a dildo from her aunt. The magical gift turns into a life-size Slutcracker Prince, who takes her on a journey to explore her sexuality before marriage.

The heartwarming Opening Night was welcomed by a sold out crowd, but they were much more polite than in years past. Maybe the novelty has worn off. Or maybe sex in general isn’t currently scandalous enough, with the popularity of “50 Shades” and “Magic Mike.”

But come on people! Leave your manners at the door! It’s boobies and butts and good dirty fun, not to be missed.

The crowd finally loosened up when the Russian Sluts whipped onstage. Then there was fantastic performance by Sindy Katrotic and her long legs (complete with clear platform heels) in the Dance of the Reed Pole. And Sugar Dish herself did double duty in bedazzled pointe shoes as the Wet Spot Fairy and then the chair dance of the Sugar Dish Fairy.

The production is not all that different from 2011 — the set is the same and there are a few updated costumes. Perhaps the biggest change (which is not much of a change at all) is the exclusive slutty soundtrack. It’s still the Tchaikovsky score, but conductor Mikel Toms and Brno Filharmonie have added some … err… vibrations.

Some of the best moments of the night were improvised. Good sex usually is.

 

Who should see it?

Anyone who wants to practice their best cat calls and laugh for two hours. “The Slutcracker” is not for children. To really appreciate the production to its fullest, see the traditional ballet, or at the very least, know E.T.A. Hoffmann’s story.

 

“The Slutcracker — a burlesque”

Through December 31

Somerville Theater

55 Davis Square, Somerville

MBTA: Red Line to Davis

$25, 617-625-4088

www.theslutcracker.com

“The Slutcracker — A Burlesque”

“The Slutcracker” will have your jaw in your lap too. © Hans Wendland

Bringing sexy back

“The Slutcracker — A Burlesque” is making a splash to sold-out audiences again this Christmas season at the Somerville Theater.

Now, in its fourth year, the show not only brings out the (quite extensive) local burlesque community but more and more “Slut virgins” are coming to see this fun, sexy, and topless version of “The Nutcracker.”

Set to Tchaikovsky’s classical score, an adult Clara gets engaged on Christmas Eve. But Aunt Drosselmeyer gives her niece a pink dildo (the magical Slutcracker Prince) and insists that she explore her sexuality before committing.

The production value gets better each year. Highlights include: the Battle between Fritz (Paolo Mania) and the ugly sweater brigade and the Slutcracker (Oliver Tryst) and its batteries; the leather and whip Russians with their Gimp, the Dance of the Reed Pole (Artistic Director Vanessa “aka Sugar Dish” White) and the Wet Spot Fairy (UnAmerika’s Sweetheart Karin Webb).

Christmas Eve fun

Not sure what to do on Christmas Eve after you’ve been to Church to celebrate Baby Jesus’ birth? Celebrate “Slutcracker’s” 50^th performance on XXX-mas Eve, featuring live music pre-show by Walter Sickert and the Army of Broken Toys plus a live reading of “’Twas the Night Before Slutcracker!”

“The Slutcracker — A Burlesque”

Through Dec. 24

Somerville Theater

55 Davis Square, Somerville

MBTA: Red Line to Davis

$25, 617-625-5700

www.theslutcracker.com

Nuts about ‘The Nutcracker’

It’s that time of year again. “Nutcracker” marathon weekend. Thursday-Saturday I saw three very different shows — Boston Ballet’s “The Nutcracker,” Anthony Williams’ “Urban Nutcracker,” and “The Slutcracker — A Burlesque.” All-in-all a great way to start the Christmas season.

Boston Ballet proves that quality never goes out of style  — Fluid movements and energy keep it very fresh

Read it: “The Nutcracker” is based off the book “The Nutcracker and the Mouse King” by E.T.A. Hoffmann in 1816. Photo by Rosalie O’Connor

Get out of the cold and enjoy the warmth of Boston Ballet’s “The Nutcracker.”

Although the beloved story ballet about a little girl and her Christmas doll is an annual staple in the repertoire, Artistic Director Mikko Nissinen’s dancers make the 2010 production fresh and exciting.

For many theater goers, “The Nutcracker” is their first glimpse of classical ballet. The plot is easy to follow the show is action packed and you’ll laugh, oo and ah over the cast of characters (Bear, Mouse King, Mother Ginger, Russians, Arabians, the black sheep).

Veterans won’t be disappointed either. Young Alexandra Storch will have you reminiscing about how excited you were on Christmas Eve as a child (she is one of three Clara’s reprising the role). Snow King and Queen Pavel Gurevich and Lia Cirio are exquisite in The Enchanted Forest. And Misa Kuranaga blew us away again as The Sugar Plum Fairy.

From the rich live music of Tchaikovsky to the vintage-looking costumes to the set design and choreography, Boston Ballet has been swept up in the joy of the holiday spirit and you will too.

——–

NYE Magic

Making plans for New Year’s? Whether it’s a full family outing or a romantic date, get ticket’s for BB’s first New Year’s Eve performance. Don’t worry, you’ll be out in plenty of time to see the fireworks and ring in the New Year.

Tiny dancers

• More than 240 young dancers, (in three casts) from Boston Ballet School participate in the production.

Plot points:

Party scene: The Silberhauses have a Christmas Eve party and their daughter, Clara, receives a nutcracker from Herr Drosselmeier. She and her brother fight over it, and the doll eventually breaks, leaving her godfather to mend it with his handkerchief.

Battle scene: Clara falls asleep on the sofa but is soon awakened (as a dream sequence) by the clock striking midnight. The Nutcracker comes to life to battle the Mouse King protecting the young girl. The Nutcracker turns into a handsome Cavalier and whisks Clara off through the Enchanted Forest and snow to the Land of Sweets.

Land of Sweets: The Sugar Plum Fairy greets the pair and her kingdom puts on a show in Clara’s honor which includes themed dances: Spanish, Arabian, Chinese and Russian.

Boston Ballet’s ‘The Nutcracker’
Through Dec. 31
The Opera House
539 Washington St., Boston
MBTA: Red/Orange Line to Downtown Crossing; Green Line to Boylston
$35-$162, 617- 695-6950
www.bostonballet.org

‘Urban Nutcracker’ is fun for the whole family — If Tchaikovsky isn’t jazzy enough for you, this is

Anthony Williams' "Urban Nutcracker" Photo by Petr Metlicka

Now in its 10^th anniversary season, “Urban Nutcracker” continues to draw families to see its unique and diverse spin of the beloved Christmas story by E.T.A. Hoffmann.

The plot is updated to present day; Clarice and Omar’s father is serving overseas, the familiar classical music by Tchaikovsky has been morphed into smooth jazz by Duke Ellington; Drosselmeyer comes with sidekick Minimeyer and there are some additional dances in Act II’s Land of Fantasy.

Gianni DiMarco teams up with funny man Yo-el Cassel (Drosselmeyer and Minimeyer) leading the way to Clarice’s magical journey. The Sugar Plum Fairy (Elizabeth Mochizuki) pays meticulous attention to her. Janelle Gilchrist is comfortable with fluid moves as the lead Branch in the Branch and Flowers. Li-Ann Lim (Arabian) wows the crowd with her flexibility. But this show is all about the children — the ones dancing and the ones watching — and Artistic Director Anthony Williams really focuses on that, making it enjoyable for everyone involved.

While there were a few glitches Opening Night, as a whole, this show gets better every year. And the Wheelock Family Theater is the (new) perfect venue for the family-oriented multicultural production.

But don’t be late!

The addition of a prologue’s high-energy choreography sets the inner-city tone. This year, it’s the return of the Doo Wop Singers and addition of a Bollywood number as well as ultra pop futuristic hip-hop.

Anthony Williams’ ‘Urban Nutcracker’
Through Dec. 19
Wheelock Family Theater
200 The Riverway Boston, Boston
MBTA: Green Line to Fenway or Longwood
$20-$50, 617-879-2300
www.urbannutcracker.org

If classical ballet isn’t your thing, ‘The Slutcracker’ is holiday burlesque that’s both naughty and nice

The Amazing Cast for "The Slutcracker" Photo by Caleb Cole

Whoever said that “The Nutcracker” had to be nice never saw “The Slutcracker.”  This naughty sexy-freaky version of the holiday classic playing at the Somerville Theater, is now in its third year and growing with popularity.

Set to Tchaikovsky’s classical score, Clara is all grown up and gets engaged on Christmas Eve. But her Aunt Drosselmeyer will not hear of it — she insists that Clara explore her sexuality and become more intimate with herself before committing.

Highlights that will leave you begging for more include: the Battle between the ugly sweater brigade and the Slutcracker and its batteries; the horny Polichinelles, the Waltz of the Flowers and the Sugar Dish Fairy (Artistic Director Vanessa White).

This show is not for children — and audience participation (read: cat calls) are strongly encouraged. The show will leave you Energized (wink, wink) — truly the best $20 you and your friends will spend all season.

Amazing AND Bodacious!

White (aka Sugar Dish) expands this year’s production with two casts and more performances, including a Christmas Eve show. The Amazing cast (Fridays and Sundays) features the original Clara, Slutcracker Prince and Drosselmeyer — Malice in Wonderland, Oliver Tryst and 86-year-old Vaudeville star Mary Dolan. The Bodacious cast (Thursdays and Saturdays) adds a whole new dimension to the story line with a female Slutcracker Princess (Pamela Passion) and male Dancer of the Reed Pole (Ammon EP).

Enjoy the “Slut” at home:

That’s right. Now you can add “The Slutcracker” to your holiday book collection. “’Twas the Night Before “Slutcracker” written by White and John Wentworth with illustrations by Walter Sickert will be sold exclusively at live performances.

“The Slutcracker — A Burlesque”
Through Dec. 24
Somerville Theater
55 Davis Square, Somerville
MBTA: Red Line to Davis
$20, 617-625-5700
www.theslutcracker.com